Saturday, 26 November 2016

My Name Is Angela Uyi: This Is My Life Part 2


Sometimes how people managed to make a life through lies baffles me. I hate lies and I feel irritated when I am lied to or when a liar is trying to prove that their ignorant act is more didactic than my enlightenment or are we on the same frequencies? I guess not. I am not perfect but I like to do my things to be a bit closer to perfection and others tend to take offence at that. People will always invent their derogatory perception about you so I worried less about their baseless opinions regarding what I do or when I do what I do or how I do what I do. It’s my opinion, my life and my destiny. So why are others so glued to other people’s life whereas, they cannot take half control of their lives and they want to poke their hairy irritating nose into someone else’s affair.

Probably the issue is with me. Maybe I want others to dance to my tune or Well, I feel as though I have missed the punch line to the joke that has become my life. Today yet again it feels as though I am reliving history. Excuse me as I rant now. Why is it that people are the way they are? Why has it become impossible for people to be just friends? I swear to God it is impossible for me to have a friend. At one point or another, whatever friend I have stupidly falls in love with me. It isn't just like oh I love you and want the best for you. No. It is completely obsessive I need you to marry me and have my babies’ craziness. If it was a simple open conversation like “hey I like you do you think we could maybe go to the next level?" That would be FINE. I wouldn't have a problem with just talking about it. But when it becomes EVERY conversation all day every day crying on the phone and throwing temper tantrums because of it. It is NOT OKAY. Time and time again it seems as though I live the same story line over and over again. Guys come into my life and are so caring and the best friend you can ask for. Knowing whatever troubles I am having in my life they somehow manage to make it all ten times worse by creating this false reality that I all of a sudden must date them because they won't be able to survive without me. I am open and honest with everyone in my life. I am even more honest with people when I care for them. So I do not understand how strings could possibly be crossed to the point that when I say I can’t be in a relationship because they are not just what I need in my life they think if they cross the line and obsessively make my life miserable by guilting me into whatever they think they want I become the bad girl for not wanting to date them.

I become some fairytale beyond any realistic expectations that I could never live up to. It doesn't matter what the situation is. Whether I be in 2nd grade and too young to date, not ready for a boyfriend, already have a boyfriend or even them being engaged, or married with kids it doesn't f**king matter. They do not respect me, or even themselves. I can be as honest and open as Jesus Christ. He and I somehow get caught in the absolute worst situations. It doesn't matter if I am looking out for the wellbeing of that person. It doesn't matter if I am looking out for the wellbeing of myself. It doesn't even matter if we even think I am on my death bed. Boys come into my life and make me absolutely f**king miserable. They create an entire war out of absolutely nothing. I wake up one morning to an entirely new world because some boy has lost his mind for God knows whatever reason. I seriously just want to know what I have done. I am sorry I have a hard life. I am sorry that at times I have held back my feelings because of life's circumstances. I am sorry for finally coming clean about them too late. I am sorry that people take every f**king word I say and magnify it times a thousand. I have no idea what the universe has with me. I am sure it is just laughing away. Well I am sick and tired of all of it. I do not understand how being friends turns into such a mess. I do not understand why people can't just care for each other without having to marry them. We are young! You all have your entire lives ahead of you and I for one have enough life ahead of me to only be worried about relationships. There is more to life than who you date. There is more to life than who is your friend. There is more to life than stalking someone you don't even know. It is obvious that I bother people by the amount of people who are worried about every move I make. There is more to life than making other people's lives miserable.

Most importantly there is more to life than your own little world you think revolves around you. An entire world is out there that you've never even seen before. Why are young people so worried about the most ridiculous things when they should actually be living their life and seeing what the world can offer them or what they can offer the world? Why are guys so desperate to be with the "love of their life." They haven't lived enough life to even know what that means yet. I for one have lived more life in 24 years than most people do that get to live to be 100. *Laughs*. Who would have thought a decision on trying to have a college education could lead to losing your best friend for the rest of your life. Not by your own choice but by the choice of the other person. Eventually leading to that person having second thoughts of their decision. I suppose people obsess over relationships that feel unfinished. Why is it that we have to burn bridges too bad that they have to be unfinished? Why do people go the extremes they do no matter the circumstances. Why go across lines when you know it will hurt the people you say you love? I do not understand any of this. I don't get the joke that life is. I wish I did but I sadly do not. I do not understand why these boys promise me the world just to try to get what they want and when they don’t, they tend to raise some form of abusive words and name calling. Na animal world be that according to Late Fela Anikulapo kuti. Not as if they wouldn’t break those promise even if you give them a chance. Seeing them with other ladies they become exactly who they said they would never be. Doing things they say they would never do gives me some irritation and bad vibes in my stomach. I do not hate any of them. I am only completely and utterly heartbroken and disappointed that they have all become exactly everything they said they would never be. Whether it be an addict, a player, a cheater, an adulterer, a liar, exactly like their father, or just completely giving up on their dreams.

It is all the same. People as soon as they do not get what they want from me all seem to have the same downfall. They become losers. People who get everything they have ever wanted, and with my help get everything they ever dreamed of having. Then begin doing everything they possibly can to lose it all. All is a part of this cruel joke called life. It is like these people know the mistakes they are making when they make them. They do it anyway and then try to make themselves the victim. What they don't understand is they are doing it all to themselves. They are hurting me and everyone else involved in whatever messes they create for themselves all in these illusions that they create for themselves. Things they think will make them happy. While life is too busy laughing at them for being miserable, as they make everyone else miserable with them.

What is the issue with me friends???

Dish me my blames.

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